Gay Hendricks

Unleashing Your Potential: Conquering the Upper Limit & Finding Your Zone of Genius

Season  1Episode  1741 MinutesMarch 6, 2024

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Join Jeff Hopeck as he talks with psychotherapist and author, Gay Hendricks.  This episode takes us on an enlightening journey, diving into personal stories of overcoming adversity, breaking free from the shackles of self-sabotage, and the profound moments that illuminate our true path and purpose. Gay’s candor about his transformative experiences is not just inspiring—it’s a roadmap for all who seek to unlock their full potential.

From humble beginnings at Rollins College, a pivot to the airwaves of radio, and a health crisis that steered him toward psychology, Gay’s story is peppered with instances of listening to the inner voice that guides us to meaningful contributions in the realms of love, relationships, and personal growth. It’s a candid look at the challenge of finding one’s “zone of genius” and how those defining moments can lead to a fulfilling life dedicated to enriching others.

Finally, we wrap up with the phenomenal impact Gay’s work has had and how his books, particularly his latest, promise life-altering insights. Our conversation is a testament to the power of personal responsibility and the courage to transcend unconscious behaviors.


Key takeaways from Gay:

  1. Identify inefficiencies or problems and take steps to address them. In any field, whether it’s education or business, recognizing and rectifying inefficiencies can lead to significant improvements in productivity and outcomes.
  2. Take initiative and be innovative when solving problems or meeting challenges, whether in professional or personal endeavors.
  3. Be persistent and resilient in pursuing goals and overcoming obstacles. Success often requires perseverance in the face of difficulties. Stay determined and resilient on the path to achievement.

 


 

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Timestamps:

0:00 Discovering Your True Path and Purpose
10:21 Journey to Self-Improvement and Fulfillment
23:00 From PhD to Bestselling Author
36:35 Breaking Through Upper Limit Problems
40:55 Promoting New Book and Website

Show Transcript

Gay Hendricks: 

Even though you’re making good use of your skills, there’s a little part of you that yearns for something completely different. For how I put it? You yearn to spend all day doing what you most love to do and what you know makes the biggest Contribution to other people’s lives.

Jeff Hopeck: 

That is life at its best All right folks, welcome to another episode of interesting humans today. I have with me Gay Hendricks. Gay, thank you so much for joining us today. Grateful to have you.

Gay Hendricks: 

Thanks, my pleasure.

Jeff Hopeck: 

Yeah, Gay has played such an important role in my life. We never met, but through one of his books called the big leap, which is where we’re gonna focus on today, gay is actually the person I’m gonna credit to actually having this podcast and having my show. Gay, thank you for that. I am grateful. We’re gonna get into that piece of the story.

Jeff Hopeck: 

But for years I struggled with something and I had a. I had a problem putting out content and I never knew why and I just thought it was normal. So I would put out an episode, I would put out a show, I’d put out a video, I’d put out a blog post. I’d just get some comments one way or another and then found a way to take it down. So I was in that. You know that continuous circle that was just ugly over the years and Preventing me from having something that I really, really wanted.

Jeff Hopeck: 

So today, Gay, I want you to explain to everybody the ULP and the Zone of Genius Concept. So I think that’s what the listeners For a nugget or a pearl of takeaway. I think if we can get that explained to them and Get them dialed in, they may see that this book could be a change in their life that they may not even know they need. So, gay, if you don’t mind, would you start off? Tell us a little bit about your upbringing. Tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got into the your career.

Gay Hendricks: 

Yes, thank you. Well, I was Born in a small town in Florida called Leesburg, which is about an hour from Orlando, and it’s a kind of a typical sleepy southern town ten thousand people, several filling stations, one little newspaper. So it was typical small town life. I had an older brother he was seven or eight years older than I has and I was very, very blessed early on in my life to have my grandparents nearby, because my mother was a busy working woman, and you know she was. She was a Writer, she worked for the local newspaper, she covered everything, she was a reporter, she wrote a daily column and so she was always insanely busy. My picture my mother is a camel cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other and then putting down both of them and typing and then picking both of them up and typing and so Anyway. But my grandmother and my granddad lived next door and kind of the big house and you don’t see it that much anymore. But in the south where I grew up, you’d sometimes see, you know, the grandparents lived in a big house and then they bought another house, first some of the other kids, and so they all sort of live in the same neighborhood and that was the case for me. My aunt lived down the street and my other live aunt lived up the street and my grandparents lived to live next to all of us and had a big house and I actually love spending my time there because on rainy days my grandmother would let me bring my tricycle in and Speed around her big living room on it. So that was always a big treat down in Florida because it rains about the time. Yeah, so I would give my grandparents a big, you know open-hearted tug-o hug over the years to To let them know how grateful I am that they were in my life every day growing up and I was able to be in their lives up until the days they passed away, and so it was one of the great gifts of my life. I I had another great gift that didn’t seem like a gift.

Gay Hendricks: 

I Was a medical problem when I was a kid. I was very obese as a baby. I was one of these babies that had kind of roles and roles of fat, and then I became a fat toddler and then a fat first grader, and so they were. They took me all over the place to different specialists to try to figure out. Why is this kid fat in a family where everybody else is lean and slim? You know it didn’t make any sense. Now there were some discoveries by science later on that helped me straighten out my thyroid and pituitary and all the stuff that had gotten screwed up. But that way wasn’t known until much later on. So I was a medical project, and One year I remember my 14th year, when I was in the ninth grade Some miracle new weight loss doctor put me on these amphetamine pills diet pills, and I guess they were kind of brand new back then in the 1950s and he thought that was going to be the solution to all my problems.

Gay Hendricks: 

And man, it gave me such a buzz. I could only sleep for about four hours a night, and so I made straight A’s that year, but I Felt like I was going at 90 miles an hour all the time. Finally they they took me off the pills and I kind of crashed. But that was the story of my early childhood. I was a brilliant student. There was nothing at all wrong with my brain, it was just all wrong with my body. And so when I was 24 I had an enlightenment experience and out of that I discovered my true path, and I’ve been. Oh, within a year I used my enlightenment experience to lose more than a hundred pounds. Wow, I got. I’m 180 pounds now. By the way, I’ve been the same weight for many years. I’m about six feet tall, so if you saw me now walking down the street you’d say there goes an athletic-looking old guy, and so I keep myself in good shape, go to the gym three days a week and pump iron and do all those kind of good things.

Gay Hendricks: 

But anyway, back to what happened when I was 24. I had this enlightenment experience. I Was in a job. I didn’t like I was living someplace. I didn’t like I was in a relationship with somebody. I didn’t want to be in a relationship right now, but I was too poor to get out of it because we couldn’t afford to rent two different apartments, and so it was a pickle for sure.

Gay Hendricks: 

I was felt like I was so jammed up at age 24 and I went out. And I had. I Was in New England and I went out on a snowy Day and I slipped on the ice and I went crashing down on my back. I didn’t knock myself out, but I knocked myself out of my usual Way of being in myself. I it was like the only thing I describe. It’s like somebody Turned on the lights in a dark room that I hadn’t been able to see things clearly and I could suddenly see how angry I was in certain ways, but I’d never told anybody about it, how sad I was about my father dying and other things, and I’d never really Talked or even known about it really how it was down inside me, and I was scared about all these different things, but I didn’t know how to talk about it, and I was full of yearning for a different kind of life, but I couldn’t really put my finger on it and that took about two minutes.

Gay Hendricks: 

That whole experience unfolded very quickly and as I was coming out of it, I did something that I, I think, changed my life to this day. I made a commitment or a vow. I said to myself I’m going to learn to live with the lights on. Basically, I’m gonna learn to live so I could see all of that and be with all of that and know who I really was and fulfill my true destiny. That was the thought I had, and so I Started a strange sort of diet. I started eating only foods that I felt would feed my new consciousness. I stopped eating any food that I’d eaten before Okay, on the idea that it had made me fat, whatever it was. So I just cut it out and I started eating all of these unfamiliar foods. I remember blueberries. I had some of the freezer. I remember just dining off blueberries for several days because it was the only thing I could think of that would feed this new consciousness. I wanted to cultivate.

Gay Hendricks: 

I’m not a vegetarian or anything. Now I would call myself a modest eater. I don’t eat a lot of anything. I eat a little bit of meat, I eat a little bit of fish. I eat a little bit of everything. My wife is much more finicky. She’s very non-gluten and I don’t seem to bother me, and she doesn’t eat what’s the other thing. She doesn’t eat grains of any kind, like oats or anything like that, and I eat them all the time. So, anyway, you’ve got to find something that’s right for you. But I just started preferring foods that I’d never eaten before and that led me here, 50 years later, 50, some years later, to creating a life and having a body that I’ve wanted for a very long time.

Jeff Hopeck: 

Incredible. Then what did school look like for you, college? How did you choose the school you went to? Would you study? How was all that?

Gay Hendricks: 

Yes, well, I had a kind of a complicated relationship with college. I got an academic scholarship to go to Rollins College. I got several academic scholarships. I could have gone to the University of Florida and some other places, but I chose Rollins because it was only 40 miles away and it was an excellent school, a small liberal arts school, which is what I wanted. And they gave me a very generous scholarship. I’ll be eternally obligated to them for that.

Gay Hendricks: 

But one of the reasons, quite frankly, that I wanted to go to Rollins rather than the University of Florida, which was only 60 or 70 miles away, was because I was very close to my grandparents and I wanted to be there for them nearby in case anything happened to them. They were getting up into their 70s and they lived on into their 80s and early 90s. But it affected my choice of college because, even though I didn’t know they had another 10 or 15 years to live, I was very concerned that I wasn’t going to be able to be there for them. So anyway, I went to Rollins and after two years I got really bored and I realized that college in some ways was sort of like high school. I call it high school with ashtrays because at that time they’d let you smoke in classrooms, and so it was a little bit better and more stimulating. But it just didn’t grab me. And so what did grab me was I got a summertime job working in radio at WBIL in these burgues, florida, which was a small radio station that played country music most of the day, and then on the weekends they played different things, like Sunday mornings I would run the control board for a succession of preachers that would come in and sit in our little studio and preach a sermon and be the radio preacher, and I was a guy. Interestingly enough, they were all fundamentalists, and so I had to go in afterwards with my Windex and clean the screen up, because they would get so carried away they would pretty much fill up the window screen.

Gay Hendricks: 

So I got hooked on radio and I found myself not wanting to go back to college, and so I didn’t go back to college. I put it off for a while. Later on I started going back to Rollins at night where I ultimately got my BA. But I went through a succession of radio stations hop, hop, hop. I was good at WBIL, and so this other station hired me and I had good ratings there, and this other bigger station hired me and then I got the greatest of all gigs. I got the 10 to two shift 10 in the morning to two in the afternoon shift at WLOF Channel 95 in Orlando, florida, which was the top rocker in the area. It was who broke all the new records and we did all the concerts and things. So it was a fabulous place to work and I worked there for three years, made a lot of money for a 20 year old, drove a Mercedes, had the girlfriends lined up the whole bit.

Gay Hendricks: 

But then I had another one of my health emergencies. I got started getting an ulcer because I was doing radio all day and going to college at night and managing a couple of rock and roll bands and I was just burning my candle at about three different ends. And so I created a health crisis and kind of retired from radio at age I think. What was I 23, something like that and and became a psychologist and had this enlightenment experience I was telling you about. Then I became a psychologist and I’ve been extremely happy ever since then.

Gay Hendricks: 

I dedicated my whole life to doing things that improve my own life, that I could share with other people, because I’m a sharer. I love to write, I love to broadcast, I love to do podcasts. We have our own podcasts that we’ve done dozens of, and so I love to get things out. And, as a matter of fact, when I was getting my PhD at Stanford back in 1972, three along in there way back one of my professors asked me you know, do you want to be a full time private practitioner, 40 hours a week doing therapy, or do you want to aim toward being a university professor and teaching counseling psychology to other graduate students and that kind of thing? And I said, well, if I had to pick the two, I definitely picked the university. But what I’m interested in is something different neither one of those. And he said what’s that? And I said imagine if they had shows on television that talked about the kind of things that we talk about here, you know, like how to deal with depression or how to deal with anxiety or how to have better relationships. What if there were? See, this is long before PBS.

Gay Hendricks: 

And finally, there was this one guy that came on named Leo Buxcoglia, and he was kind of known as the love doctor. He also taught at USC, so he was a straightforward, upright citizen in the academic world and so he kind of broke through. And then there was a whole bunch of us that you know. Katie and I came to age and in the Oprah era she was very kind to us and put us on several times when we had new books out, particularly with our book Conscious Loving, and made it a big best seller, which it still is, you know, 30 some years later after our first Oprah appearance. So we’re eternally grateful to her.

Gay Hendricks: 

But I went back to and I got my master’s degree in counseling. I got my PhD in counseling psychology and then I became a university professor at the University of Colorado and I stayed there for 20 years, went through all the ups and downs of being a university professor. I eventually got to be a full professor and work my way up through the ranks and but always with a little bit of inside me, because I knew I was in my zone of excellence. I didn’t have the language of zone of genius yet, I hadn’t figured that out, but I knew I wasn’t making the most of ourself and I bet you and any of your viewers and listeners know what I’m talking about. Even though you’re making good use of your skills, there’s a little part of you that yearns for something completely different from how I put it. You yearn to spend all day doing what you most love to do and what you know makes the biggest contribution to other people’s lives. That is life at its best. That’s where I’ve. Well, when I first figured that out, it was in the 1980s, and so I worked with people. I didn’t write the big leap until around maybe 2008. And people say how long did it take you to write the book? And I say, well, it took me maybe six months to a year, but I’d been thinking about it for 30 years straight, so it didn’t take me very, very long to write the book.

Gay Hendricks: 

I was also blessed with a lot of clients, particularly executives, who were executives in companies, or sometimes CEOs or sometimes presidents, but they were often C-suite executives in oftentimes high-tech firms. So I worked with Motorola, we worked with Bell Labs, I worked with Dell, computer, monsanto just go down the list of companies like that. During the 80s and the 90s, we were often walking the halls and working in the offices of executives. Here’s where I learned the other thing about the genius done. It doesn’t matter what level of the game you’re at. You can be a CEO of a Fortune 50 company making millions of dollars a year and getting much more in stock options, and still feel unfulfilled.

Gay Hendricks: 

That was the damnedest thing to discover that even people who were operating that business and who could do things that I could never do in a million years. Just keeping up with them for a day was enough for me. But I had other skills that they didn’t have, like how to get along with the board, how to not alienate your wife and other things that they were dying on the vine because they didn’t know. But I was gifted with so many of those executives that would have these brilliant weeks at work and then would go home and trash out their family or get into a big argument with their partner or something that would ruin the whole experience of the big breakthroughs they’d been having at work. So that’s where I developed the upper limit problem idea.

Gay Hendricks: 

I saw that each of these people, including me when I first started, had what I called an upper limit problem. We had like a ceiling on how good life could be. When we bump up against the ceiling, instead of saying what must I do to lift the ceiling, we would say, oh, I go back down to where I was before. So the upper limit problem could be anything from making yourself sick on the day of a big presentation, or I probably have 50 examples in my files of people that had auto accidents right after something really good happened.

Gay Hendricks: 

They were in their genius zone, but they didn’t know how to maintain that. They found a convenient way to bring themselves back. So the upper limit problems are tendency to sabotage ourselves. When things start going better, when we start feeling a flow of good energy inside for longer and longer periods of time, many people suddenly realized, oh, I don’t deserve to feel good, or it’s a sin to feel so good, or why do I feel so good when everybody else is suffering? So we stuff ourselves back down again. And here’s another one of those podcasts where I’m only letting you do 1% of the talking.

Gay Hendricks: 

I hope we’re going in a good direction.

Jeff Hopeck: 

Oh, it’s awesome, I love it. It’s just so incredible because, after reading the book and having such change for me in my own life as I said, I just struggled getting content out. And now going through your steps, like the exercise you go through in the book, is just how to get into sort of like that sweet spot and stop listening to the bad conversation going in your head. It’s just fascinating. So I’m curious, gabe, when did you know you were going to be an author? Or your very first book? That going all the way back.

Gay Hendricks: 

Oh gosh. Well, first of all, I’m a lineage. I’m in a lineage. My mother was an excellent writer and had a newspaper column in the newspaper for 30 years probably, and she was very well known. Everybody recognized her on the street. She was also for a while the mayor of the town I lived in. But I come by my writing skills. One of my aunts is a writer. Another one of my aunts was the speechwriter for a congressman and a senator for gosh 30 years, I guess. And so I come from a family that’s good with words. My granddad loved words. He was always throwing a new word into my vocabulary, so I have to honor my lineage. My mother tells me I was writing down little stories and things pretty much as soon as I could write, and I remember cleaning out my closet when I was a high school senior and I found little notebooks going back their way, you know, when I was 10, 12 years old.

Gay Hendricks: 

So anyway, I’ve been at it a long time. The first time I realized I might be able to make some money when I was getting my PhD, I bumped into a fellow named Jim Fadiman, who was another psychologist at Stanford, and he turned out to be a scout for the publishing company Prentice Hall. He got paid a little amount of money each time he found a book for them to publish. Well, I was talking to him one day and I was telling him about how excited I was. I was pretty much finished with my PhD work and was kind of waiting to finish my dissertation and things. But I had quite a bit of time and I was loving going into my daughter’s kindergarten and then first grade classroom and just kind of hanging out and volunteering and helping get the kids around and everything. And I was also looking for ideas and I saw something that changed my life. I saw that both the kindergarten teacher and the first grade teacher Spent a tremendous amount of time getting kids what I call centered, getting you know, after recess, for example.

Gay Hendricks: 

You know it would sometimes gosh, they’d still be working at it after 10 minutes, you know, trying to get everybody corralled, and so at about that time too, there was a study out by a gentleman named Eaton Conant. Great credit to him because he did a time analysis of how teachers spent their time and I can absolutely attest to this from the limited experience I had. He found out that the average six hour teaching day or educational day. Actual education goes on about two to four hours of that. That. Even in the most elitist schools, nobody ever make it to five out of the six hours, or even four and a half out of the six hours. So a lot of the time has spent.

Gay Hendricks: 

So I said, okay, I can’t maybe fix all of that problem, but one thing I know how to do from working with anxious patients over the years, I know how to get people centered. Why don’t I write a little book about that for teachers? And then here’s where Jim Fadiman came in. He said I’m a scout for Prentice Hall, which publishes 50% of the education books in the country at the time. They were later swallowed up by Simon and Schuster and now probably are swallowed up by somebody else. But at the time, by the time I walked back to my little cubicle from Jim Fadiman’s office at Stanford, I had hatched out what this book would look like. You know there would be certain kinds of stories in it that would be centering stories that help people get calmed down. There would be stretching. I never call it yoga because that was anathema to all the some of the fundamentalists. They didn’t like the idea of yoga because it was Hindu or something.

Gay Hendricks: 

Just stretching activities, A lot of visualization activities, body centering activities, breathing activities. So I wrote, I started working on this and I submitted the proposal to Jim Fadiman. He passed it on to Prentice Hall. They offered me a contract for that book and $800. And at the time I was living on a grad student’s stipend of $300 a month, and I mean $800, that looked like you know, the greatest thing that ever happened in my life.

Gay Hendricks: 

And so I wrote that little book and it became a surprising hit and it sold something like 60,000 copies. And so I just started writing a book a year, basically, and I wrote probably half a dozen books for Prentice Hall. I switched over to Bandem, double Day Dell. I wrote half a dozen books for them. That’s where Oprah came in handy, because we wrote Conscious Loving and the book was out for a year, in hardback, you know, and it maybe sold 10,000 copies a month, but it hadn’t really taken off as a best seller. And the reason for that is because when the book came out was right when the Persian Gulf War started and nobody wanted to have self-help book authors on TV when they were talking about people getting killed every day.

Gay Hendricks: 

The year from then is when the paperback came out, and that’s the one that our publicist booked us on Oprah with. With one phone call and we were within three days. I say we went from working with 10 couples in our living room to working with 10 million on Oprah in three days, and so it was kind of like a gigantic whoosh. And the book came out, of course, and then whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. And so you know it was a profound difference in my life. We used to be neighbors with Oprah over in Montecito, lived down the road from her, but now we’ve moved over to Ojai. We don’t see her in the same restaurants anymore that we used to bump into. She and I used to frequent a restaurant over there called Trattoria Mali. That’s where we’d always see her.

Jeff Hopeck: 

Oh, what a story. So neat. And was there a period of time where you made the change or the jump or the move from seeing patients to just being an author, or are you still doing both?

Gay Hendricks: 

Oh, yes, I do very much both. I no longer call them. I never even call them patients begin there. If they were in therapy with me, they would call clients, and if they were executives I was working with they were an executive coaching. I never used the T word therapy and the corporations. They like executive coaching much better. But basically you know there’s going way back.

Gay Hendricks: 

One of my favorite quotations is from the Gospel of Thomas. It says if you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what is within you will destroy you. It’s a really important message in a way, because it’s true that if you have some kind of yearning in you to change your life in some way, if you follow that, often very good things happen. You know that the universe seems to smile at people who make the break, for it to make a breakthrough.

Gay Hendricks: 

History tells us, and even animal studies tell us, that there’s always five or 10% of the herd that are over there on the horizon and they run the risk of getting eaten first. But they also have the good grazing land and they’re always looking for the next place to go, and so that’s the way human beings are. There’s a small percentage of us that are out there on the horizon and we’re kind of checking things out and how to do things. And so once you learn how to do certain things like calm your emotions or spritz up your creative life or whatever you need to do it’s a pretty simple task. It just takes what I call whole body commitment.

Gay Hendricks: 

Most people, when they make a commitment, make it from way up here in their head, but you’ve got to have your heart behind it too. I always say the longest journey any human ever takes is 12 inches from the head down to the heart, because it’s one thing to have an idea up in your head, but it’s another thing to commit to. But it’s another thing to commit to that idea with your heart. I’ve worked with so many people that have so many great ideas in their mind, but when they get into the heat of relationship, interaction or conflict, they revert to the seventh grade. They use seventh grade strategies instead of Harvard Business School strategies. They may have a Harvard Business School degree on the wall.

Jeff Hopeck: 

So 50 books is an incredible feat. Where do you get all the ideas from? What is your process? Take us inside your brain on that one.

Gay Hendricks: 

Yes, well, sometimes it’s pretty easy in a way, like conscious loving. That’s our other biggest bestseller besides the big leap. It came to us. We were sitting in front of the fireplace one night when we live in Colorado and we just adjourned a group of maybe 10 couples and we had lit a fire and we were sitting there having a glass of wine or something and we were talking and suddenly we kind of looked at each other and said you know, these techniques that we’re using that are causing these breakthroughs among these couples, we’ve got to get them out to the profession somehow. And so that was the idea. I said okay, I’ll sit down and write a book proposal about it. And so I wrote a book proposal, which is something I know how to do, and it usually involves a couple of sample chapters, a market analysis of who the book is for and how it’s likely to sell, and so it’s. You know, maybe a 50 or 60 page document is the way I like to do it. And so I worked up a book proposal and I sent it off to our agent and she completely tore it apart. But I put it back together and took her advice and I put turned it into something good, and I remember taking two long 18 hour day weekends to get it back into shape again. But then she took it to New York and held an auction and sold it to Bentham Double Day Dell, and then, you know, a year later the book was anyway.

Gay Hendricks: 

Just one thing led to the other. I think a lot of it has to do with commitment, though to get back to that subject, because I feel, and Katie feels, my wife. We’ve been together, by the way, 44 years this month, and so with that whole time we’ve been together, we’ve been focused on working together and writing books together. We’ve co-authored a dozen books together and been around the world now the equivalent of 30 some times, I think, teaching our seminars, and it doesn’t matter whether we’re in Bombay or Brooklyn.

Gay Hendricks: 

Everybody’s got the same relationship problems. And you know Chinese people we’ve done seminars in up and down China and their relationship problems are the same as somebody in Brooklyn. There are cultural differences, of course, whether you go to Australia or whether you go to China or wherever, there are certainly cultural differences, but the essential problems boil down to can I tell the truth? Can I hear the truth? Is there a flow of truth going back and forth between me and the people I care about? Is there a flow of truth going back and forth in me?

Gay Hendricks: 

The second thing is am I willing to take responsibility for creating my life or am I going to let other people do it for me? You know we say here that unless you’re fulfilling your own life purpose, you can bet your bottom dollar that you’re fulfilling somebody else’s life purpose. You know, if you don’t have one of your own, you’re trucking along with somebody else’s. Usually, yeah, and I’m for people figuring out. You know that I’m not one to believe in reincarnation or anything like that.

Gay Hendricks: 

I think we’re blessed to have 75, 80 years on this beautiful planet and our job is to make the most of it while we’re here, to make the biggest contribution we can make to ourselves, our family and the community around us. And if we have a successful life doing that university, you know the universe will often find a way to reward us for that. Absolutely, it’s like Bucky Fuller, you know, when he was 27 years old, his life was a mess and he said okay, I’ve done a crappy job of figuring out my life. From here on out, I’m only going to do one thing I’m going to spend my time thinking about what might advantage humanity, and I’m going to keep thinking about that and just see if I get rewarded for it. You know, 70 years later. You know one of the most inspiring guys I’ve ever come across.

Jeff Hopeck: 

That’s incredible okay, as we wrap up here, one, one quick thing I want you to unpack and then tell us and then you’re going to go right into telling us about your new book take the most common problem, that that you’ve seen, and sort of walk us through how the ULP in the Zona Genius sort of solves it or helps the person, and then, as soon as you’re finished, tell us about your new book great.

Gay Hendricks: 

Well, I’ll give you one example now. This may sound extreme. Feel free to not believe it.

Gay Hendricks: 

A woman came to me some years ago very successful, top of her business, top of her family life. She’d had more than 40 car collisions in her life, everything from fender benders to backing into somebody to having somebody back into her. Half of them look like it were her fault, half of them look like it were it was somebody else’s fault. But that was her upper limit. She had accidents. She was what you know. Somebody in lay person’s terms would say they’re accident problem. But I asked her to take that on as an upper limit problem. Start seeing any kind of painful interaction with physical reality as an upper limit issue. Wow, did that take the lid off of it? First, I’m happy to say she hasn’t had any more auto accidents in right a bunch of years. So that’s proof in the eating of the pudding, for sure. And that’s a big breakthrough. Because when she came in she said to me life is? I said what accounts for 40 car collisions? And she said I guess life is dangerous. That’s my conclusion. And I said, uh-uh, you’ve got the wrong conclusion. You are dangerous to life anybody that’s had 40 car collisions. So she went from the victim to the perpetrator, you know. But I I advised her to go be. I’d invite her to go beyond that into the realm of taking pure, impeccable, 100 percent responsibility, not because it’s a burden, not because you’re blamed or anything, just cuz you say, hmm, I created a life with 40 auto accidents, hmm, what might that be about? So she created a wondering about that. She saw that it was an upper limit, because every time she’d get to a certain level of success, boom she was in the hospital again, or boom she was in a sling, or boom she had her car in the shop.

Gay Hendricks: 

So, identifying the upper limit problem number one, number two, what kind of, what kind of underlying, see? I think underneath every upper limit problem is a quest for genius. So what is your genius that’s trying to? Let’s say you didn’t have any automobile accidents for the next 20 years, what would allow? What would that allow you to flourish? And so, as her genius began to flourish, you know, she didn’t have time for old, unconscious malarkey like being in car accidents anymore.

Gay Hendricks: 

You know, I’ve been lucky to know her. Now, actually, katie and I married her husband. Oh wow. They met about 20 years ago and asked us to perform the marriage for them and because I’d known her for the 20 years beyond, and so we ended up performing the marriage ceremony.

Gay Hendricks: 

So, anyway, life can take all sorts of wonderful twists and turns, but, uh, there’s no shortage of human drama, and as long as human beings can tell the truth, take impeccable responsibility for what’s going on in their life and put your attention on what you love to do, that that takes you into a different dimension of life, and, by the way, this will allow me to show you my new book those of you that are watching this and tell you about it. It’s called your big leap year, and what it is is a day at a time book. You don’t have to start it on Jan one, you can start it any time of the year, but you start it on day one and then you work through it every day. It has a little piece of advice and a little activity that you can do every day. That furthers your genius, and so your big leap year is coming out on February 13th, and so they make wonderful gifts for friends too great and I’m going to do a video to explain the entire story.

Jeff Hopeck: 

I didn’t get into it much, but what your book actually did, what it brought to light for me, was a self sabotaging behavior that eliminated me from putting content out, because I couldn’t stand seeing myself. I couldn’t stand listening to myself the whole nine yards. So I’ll put that video out. Be sure to tag you link over to your new book. For sure, put put this episode up as a blog post as well on our website. So, gay, thank you so so much for taking the time out of your day. Greatly appreciate it. So happy that you’ve been able to come on the show and share some of this. Folks. Gay Hendricks, if you’ve gotten nuggets out of the shows, please go on and rate us. We’d greatly appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to listen to us today and, gay, have a great rest of your day, thank you thank you, blessings to you as well.

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